Abuse and Body Betrayal
One aspect of my abuse that was difficult for me deal with was the fact that my body behaved like it enjoyed it. I felt like I was to blame as well. I must have wanted it. Between my bodies reactions and the crap he told me, when ever I wrote about it or later talked about it, I made it seem like something between consensual adults.
Why Did My Body Betray Me?
I never used the word ‘rape’. I never considered it rape until my therapist called it that. She explained that what my body felt was a natural thing and that it in no way made the abuse my fault. Nor did it mean I liked it.
I believe many victims have felt this way about their body. Perhaps even hating their bodies because of it. Because it was a sore spot for me I want others to know that it is a biological thing and you did not want the abuse. I found two sites that talk very well about this topic and I urge you to read them.
The first is the Survivor Manual. Angela Shelton, a survivor of childhood sexual abuse put this site together. Angela is awesome and had a small part in my road to recovery. I believe you can find a lot of help through her.
The other one I found on Kali Munro Psychotherapist. They both explain how and why your body reacted like it did. It touches on a subject not talked about enough. Please take the time to read one or both, then return here and leave me a comment about what you read.